


Habits

by ylvisucka



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, No wives/kids AU, Post Break Up, Song fic, Ylviscest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-03-22 23:57:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3747970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ylvisucka/pseuds/ylvisucka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To keep you off my mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Habits

**Author's Note:**

> based on the song Habits, by Tove Lo. I've always wanted to write this fic, but thank Samantha that got my angsty feels all light up lmao please enjoy ^_^  
> just to set some scenario, this isn't set in the present time, more like when they were in their 20s.

"It's been, what... three months? Why are you still like this, being a little bitch? Get your act together." he said to himself while standing in front of the mirror, looking at his poor and opaque figure. Vegard wasn't at all the man he used to be, and all because of him. The reflection on the mirror wasn't what it used to be. The former shadow of hair now made a full grown black beard, due to the lack of interest in keeping his appearances, the curls now made a dead frame to his thin face, his eyes were lacking the brightness that only he could bring. He... the one that had left him. Vegard must've told himself to get over it a thousand times, to forget him, but how could he? He knew that in a month he woud be there for their family Christmas' reunion, he knew that when their mother called him, she would ask how his brother was and all he could say is "he's fine". He wouldn't be able to confess that his little brother had broken his heart in the worst way. He would never say.

"You're hopeless." a sigh left his lips, right before he grabbed his coat and exited his house for another night out. He couldn't stay home anymore, he couldn't look at all those common places, where they used to make out, sleep together, watch movies, write music or just... be. He couldn't be there without Bård being alongside. Everything around him reminded him of the blue eyes that were not there, the soft hair that made the room brighter than any sunbeam, and the things he would never see again... He needed places that didn't have anything to do with that angelic man that shredded his love.

Vegard didn't know Oslo that well and it took him time to find places he wouldn't be miserable in, places he could enjoy himself and not be judged or haunted by the ghost of his brother. He found a little part of the town with all those underground clubs that seemed to be fashionable at that time, even if they weren't what he was used too, isn't this what it was all about?

He got to the door of a club he didn't bother to remember the name, payed his way in and soon the loud bassline punched his stomach. He could enjoy it after some 10 drinks, his usual starter. The night wasn't anything beyond making small chat with people he never met and exchanging glances with cute boys and girls from across the bar. He would rarely make any further move, expecting to avoid any unecessary feeling that might surface, but once he was drunk enough, the only that would surface is dizziness and plastic happiness.

"Hey." a silk voice from behind echoed so close in his ears in between musics, he could feel the breath on his neck.

"Hello there!" Vegard answered, a little more joyfully than expected. "What is your name, sir?"

"It's Anders." he was still behind Vegard, but he could almost imagine perfectly how was he like. He knew he would regret. He was so close that Vegard could smell the cigarettes he probably smoked two minutes ago in the far corner of the bar. "And you?" when he came to stand in Vegard's eyesight, he realized he was right. Anders was taller than him, his arms were stronger and he wore a lousy tshirt with some jeans. He was so good looking that would bother with that.

"I'm Vegard." again, a little louder than expected. Maybe this was the effect of the alcohol, already.

"Nice name. And beard." they shared some giggles and stared at each other for some moments. The eyes were as blue as a summer sky and the hair was short and, thank God, not blonde, but red, some fiery kind of red. But the eyes, he had to stop looking at the eyes."So, hm... my friend said she knows you." he pointed at a black haired girl that, indeed, knew Vegard. They weren't close friends, but it was something. "We're going to this party and she wants to know if you would like to tag along. You seem a little alone here."

Vegard stared at the bottom of the glass he was holding in front of his face while the man talked him into it. As if he needed any argument to convice him to let go nowadays. It's not like he has anything to lose.

"Yeah." the dark haired man interrupted him. "Let's go." the redhead smiled at him and putted his hand softly around Vegard's arm, while he signalized to their mutual friend across the dancefloor. She made their way to them and they were soon back to the chill Oslo weather. They made their way to their friend's car, friend whose name was completely erased from Vegard's memory. As he adjusted himself in the backseat with two other strangers, he thought to himself "Why am I doing this? Why I am so self destructive?" He knew the obvious answer to this question, which was also the explanation for him getting into some relvatively-known person to go to a party God-knows-where, and do God-knows-what. What did he care? There wasn't anyone worried about him anymore.

After they got to the party, it wasn't anymore a new place to Vegard, it wasn't full of surprises. In the last three months, he was already used to crowded, loud and confusing places, where anything happened and nobody cared. He wouldn't mind getting in the mood with his new friends. He wouldn't deny doing anything to get his mind of the fact he should be at home, holding his brother so tightly that their lungs would be completely emptied. He needed to forget Bård, forget about their past. He needed to numb that part of him that insisted to be so alive.

Vegard had no idea of how many hour passed, how many liters of vodka, cigarette packs, lines of cocaine, he didn't know anything at all. He didn't care if he wasn't awake or aware. The whole night was made of flashes that could be either real or a figure of his active imagination. Getting thrown in the pool. Making out with someone. Crying. A big bed. Clothes on the floor. More crying. Those blue eyes, over and over again. Starring at his soul, reading him and making him feel ashamed of his feelings, as Bård always did. But Bård would tell him it's ok, that nothing mattered beyond them and they would be together always. The eyes that were reading him now only made him feel empty, sucking on the last piece of soul inside him and making him feel the numbness he wanted. The man whose name was long gone from Vegard's mind starred at him while their bodies melted into one form of pure regret and shame.

Vegard's voice was stuck in his throat, his thoughts were lost somewhere else while he didn't even feel the pain violating him. Everything passed him by without any detail, any difference from the blur that was his life, everything was just a big... nothing. He clung onto that man's broad shoulders and starred at a blank point beyond that bedroom. Despite the apathy, he couldn't control his animalistic urges; he was close to his edge. A small moan was mixed with a sob. And the invocation of name that wasn't spoken beyond four walls of a bedroom.

"Bård..."

**Author's Note:**

> this wasn't VERy full of descriptions to set the mood of "being apart" and everything. Hope you liked it and comments are more than welcome! <3


End file.
